Four Ways to Help Your Children Cope with Divorce

Divorce is tough for everyone, but it tends to be especially hard for kids. It can be very scary, and the fact that kids are so powerless to help or to influence what happens when their parents are divorcing makes it even scarier for them. Here are some ways of helping your children cope.

• Don’t burden your kids with adult concerns.

A divorce is confusing for kids. Don’t make it more confusing by confiding in them about adult concerns like the specifics of your disagreements with your spouse. Your children don’t want to hear negative information about the other parent. And don’t expect your children to spy on your spouse. Children need to be able to maintain their loyalty to both parents.

• Try to keep things familiar.

If it’s at all possible for your kids to continue going to the same school and seeing the same friends, that’s very helpful. It’s also helpful if your kids maintain their ties with your ex-spouse’s family.

• Maintain structure as much as you can.

Especially during a divorce, kids need structure. Having rules that are enforced will make them feel secure. You don’t need to go overboard, but it’s reassuring for kids to know that someone’s in charge. This isn’t a good time to start letting your kids stay up late or to shower them with presents. Make sure they see you as a competent authority figure so they’re able to relax and concentrate on their own lives. They need some predictability in their lives after the upheavals of divorce.

• Make sure they know it’s not their fault.

Children often carry around a burden of guilt when their parents divorce. They feel that maybe their misbehavior or some other failing caused the divorce. Be sure your children understand that they’re not to blame. Your children need acceptance and love now more than ever.

Divorce is upsetting for kids, but there is a great deal that you can do to reassure them that they’re still loved and valued. Please contact us today to learn more!