8 Tips for Approaching Your Future Spouse with a Prenup

Getting married is one of the most exciting times in a person’s life…and approaching a spouse about a prenuptial agreement can be one of the scariest.  After all, there is a serious stigma surrounding prenups. Who wants to think about what happens if you get divorced while you’re busy planning a wedding, right?

But the fact is, a prenup is a wise planning tool for any couple, and practically indispensable for some. Like with insurance, it does not mean you expect bad things to happen—it’s simply good practice to be prepared just in case it does. But how do you bring up such a sensitive subject to your future spouse?

Below we’ve listed some helpful tips for approaching the prenup-talk with your soon-to-be husband or wife:

• Tip #1 — Do not wait until the last minute! If a prenup is something you know you will want, bring it up even before you are engaged to feel out your significant other’s opinion. And make sure you at least broach the subject before sending out wedding invitations. No one wants a last-minute deal-breaker.
• Tip #2 — Do not assume anything. You might have had conversations about it before and think your future spouse is totally cool with prenuptial agreements, but things can change when you’re emotionally attached. On the flip side, you might think they will be furious about you asking for a prenup when really they want one too.
• Tip #3 — Ask, don’t demand. You may feel strongly about getting a prenup but it should always be a decision you agree upon together.
• Tip #4 — Stay calm. As we’ve mentioned, this can be an emotional subject. You need to avoid getting defensive or angry. If either of you starts getting too heated or upset, take a break and come back to the discussion later.
• Tip #5 — Be forthright with your future spouse and yourself about the reason you want a prenup. Take a hard look at your fears and share them honestly. Misleading your spouse about your reasons for wanting a prenup is a bad way to start a marriage.
• Tip #6 — Listen and ask questions. It is extremely important to acknowledge and understand how your future spouse feels about a prenup. Taking the tact of a hardline negotiator will only hurt your cause.
• Tip #7 — Use the prenup-talk as an opportunity to discuss each other’s expectations for your marriage. Some people want to completely intertwine finances while others may want to keep things separate. Some may want to utilize marriage counseling if they ever have issues. These are things you should know prior to tying the knot and discussing them with regard to a prenup is the perfect venue to learn about them.
• Tip #8 — Make sure you aren’t discrediting your future spouse’s income or hard work. You may want a prenup because you make more money, but emphasize that that fact does not diminish what they do.

Discussing a prenuptial agreement with your future spouse should be a professional and rational talk. As hard as it can be, do your best to remove emotion from the equation. Prenups are not for everyone, so talking about it is the only way to make sure you and your future husband or wife are on the same page. And remember, if you’d like to learn more about prenups or talk about your family’s options, give New Beginnings Family Law a call. Feel free to contact us for consultation.